As I said earlier, I have a bunch of random thoughts rattling around my brainbox on the first six weeks of being a parent. Here are some more:
Your Body Is Cool
My particular body played ball, give or take. The give bits? After nine months of being smugly stretch mark free, by boobs are now streaked like a maroon tiger. And they’re pointing south much more than I’d like (ALSO: I don’t know what the fuss is around big boobs? I’m not a fan – they get in the way and make all of my tops sit funny). The linea nigra is still there, a bold line across a much flatter (but still very soft – ahem) tum. And, I still can’t get my wedding ring on … makes me wonder if my hands have permanently grown in size!? Knuckles like a boxer. Sheesh.
But hey – your body grows a person (I mean, yes – wow). Then it gets it out into the world safely. Then – THEN – IT. KEEPS. GOING. Even though you’re knackered beyond belief and so hopped up on hormones you don’t know whether to cackle maniacally or sob hysterically, your body keeps doing what it needs to do to keep you and your little human alive. That’s rad.
(New)Newborns Don’t Do Much
This might seem a little wrong for what is still (sorta) an infertility blog, but honesty’s the name of the game here.
I really struggled with bonding with Little Bun. For the first couple of weeks – I didn’t feel … much. Don’t get me wrong, I loved her: but in a very primal, protective, I’m-here-to-keep-you-alive way. I didn’t feel much joyous, happy, soaring emotion.
I was completely overwhelmed physically and emotionally, so I did sorta feel I was going through the motions. And I believe this had something to do with the fact that very new babies are pretty inactive. When they’re so young, they are very passive. No eye contact, no noises beyond crying, no smiling … they sleep and feed and fill their nappy and that’s it.
As they get a tiny bit older, and start responding, smiling, laughing, cooing and generally being a little more human (all things Little Bun started to do at or after four weeks) it’s suddenly a lot easier to connect with them. At least, that’s how I found it anyway. It’s probably no coincidence that around four weeks is also when you start to get used to the sleep deprivation, begin to heal physically, and also level out hormones-wise.
When It Hits You, It Really Hits You
For some mothers, it’s in the hospital bed when the babe is a few hours old.
For me, it was sitting on my couch with Little Bun in my arms. It was mid-morning, the house was quiet, and we’d just finished a feed. She was looking at me, and I was telling her who I was, how I was always going to be there for her, and how very much I loved her. I cried a little.
True love has a habit of creeping up on you.
(part 1 here)