I can’t stop crying.
Not sweet n’ kooky ‘weeping at a sad puppy story on the 6pm news’ crying, but more ‘lying on the couch ugly-sobbing for no real reason’ crying.
It’s been a HUGE week at work. I’ve been clocking 12 hour days. The pattern this week was brutal: get up early to get into the office early, start work before the phone and email kick off, lunch at my desk, finish late, home, dinner, bed. That’s been me.
So yes, I recognise these crying jags are mostly linked to over-tiredness. I just feel so hopeless. It’s a stunning, postcard-perfect Summer’s day out there and all I’ve managed to do is eat some toast and do some internet banking. I am just so tired. Mr Bun has escaped, off to do some errands. So it’s just me and the Beast. Under the aircon, staring out at the blue sky, having our own little pity party.
Here is what I would like to be doing today:
- Vacuuming and mopping the floors
- Cleaning the bathroom
- Folding the laundry
- Going to get my toes done
- Picking up toiletries at Priceline
- Having lunch out somewhere, enjoying the kickass weather
- Walking the dog
- Being nice to my husband
- Not crying
Here is what I am doing today:
- Feeling guilty
- Feeling sorry for myself
The two lowlights of the week were bursting into tears in front of my boss when he asked me to pick up another project (on Friday afternoon), that was due on Monday. He ended up doing it himself.
The second, was being on the receiving end of the worst haircut I’ve ever had. They took off a good TEN CENTIMETERS more than I wanted. I am feeling like an enormous roly poly round person at the best of times, so a short cut right now has me looking like a lesbian trucker* from 1994. It’s so bad I can only tie it up for two months and wait for it to grow. Seriously. My hair was really the last part of me that still felt like ‘me’ and now it’s gone. Just thinking about it gets me going again.
OK. Deep breath. Time to see past the hormones and FWP’s and get over this.
The GOOD things about this week have been ‘turning’ six months pregnant!! It’s like we’ve passed a real milestone and I’m feeling the most positive and excited about the baby that I ever have. The bub is kicking more and more each day, and every punch, wiggle, turn and push fills me with this glowing, warm rush of happiness (mood swings, anyone?). While the pregnancy still seems to be going very slowly, I am starting to realise that May really isn’t that far away. I think because there’s so much to do between now and then – I am becoming more appreciative of the months and months us humans are given to gestate.
We are also about to get a whole lot of work done on the house, including a new kitchen. It’s going to be dusty and disruptive, but the thought of some significant improvements to the house we’ve been in for nearly two years is truly exciting. I mean, we’ve been living without a dishwasher for nine months**!
OK. I’m feeling a little better. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ungrateful. By no means do I wish any of this to be any different. It’s just the ups and downs. It’s seriously more intense from an emotional perspective than I expected. But I’ll take it. I’ll take whatever I have to, as long as it means health and happiness at the end.
Have a great week, everybody.
* No offence to lesbian truckers. It’s just not my style.