Just had a massive snotty teary meltdown on the couch. Mr Bun stroked my head and told me everything was going to be OK. No real reason for the Big Cry. Hormones, I guess.
Anyhoo … HALLO.
A lengthy and tedious absence from this dear blog. I’ve a pretty good excuse. I’ve been interstate working on a project. Nights and days, early starts, late finishes, client entertaining and endless chit chat and all the while trying to keep the project itself on an even keel. BLOODY EXHAUSTING I TELL YOU.
No-one, of course, knows my current state – so they just think that I’m a grumpy, antisocial, greedy (the FOOD I am eating … I tell you), fat cow. If we get to that point, telling the team will be a pleasure. At least they’ll know why I kept avoiding late night drinks with the group, and spent the big posh wrap dinner (at a Japanese restaurant, of course) politely declining every dish bar the edamame and tofu. I was starving like a madwoman by the time I got back to the hotel …
I remain nausea free, which I believe I should be very thankful for. My boobs are bigger and hurt all the time now – hilariously, I have to hold them when we go over speed bumps. I’ve already put on about 2kgs, all of which seems to be sitting on my belly. My bloat is … apparent, and I can now no longer do up any of my jeans comfortably for more than an hour or so. I’ve started tying the button and hole together with an old elastic band … my wardrobe has been whittled down to baggy tops and baggy tops.
Did I tell you I also feel fucking glamorous all. of. the. time?
This is a big week for us, as we meet our Obstetrician for the first time on Tuesday. We’re on the tail end of our longest gap between scans yet, and I am HANGING OUT for the next one in the her office. We’re wishing so hard that everything’s OK. At 10 weeks, it’s impossible not to look toward the future with a little bit of hope … as well as fear the pain losing that would bring.
I have been watching and reading you all from cars, airport lounges and taxis. I’m sorry for my silence. I’m here.