This is a Warning

If you’re having a particularly shit (baby-related) time, stay away from Ikea.

We visited recently, and that place is positively teeming with pregnant bellies. Seriously, I could have counted at least TWELVE – and that was even before we got to the stinky candle section that heralds the end of the shopping-maze.

I swing wildly between extremes of behaviour when faced with a swollen tum. I either:

a)             Studiously ignore. ‘Oh, look darling! Some bendy plastic ice cube trays COME LOOK OVER HERE!!’

b)             Stare. Hard. Probably in creepy way. How old is she? Is she showing off in a tight stretchy top, or has she gone for the more demure empire line? Has she got other kids? Does she know how GODDAMN LUCKY SHE IS!?

If when I’m pregnant, I’m going to wear a t-shirt. Every day. It will say, ‘HELLO LADY WHO’S STRUGGLING TO GET PREGNANT. I SEE YOU. IT’S OK. I HATED ME TOO. JUST HANG IN THERE.’

It will need to be a pretty big t-shirt. But that’s OK. I’ll have a pretty big tum.


10 thoughts on “This is a Warning

  1. And we will have matching mo’s as well. Damn, the department shopping store trips sucks, we went to a shopping centre on Saturday, Bayside way and I swear I was the only woman under 40 not pregnant. I think that is a great tshirt. Business opportunity anyone?

  2. I am already traumatized by IKEA from way back in grad school. You have just given me yet another reason to stay away from it like the plague. I like your T-Shirt idea. I may even co-opt in at one point if I ever get and stay preggo enough. Hope that’s ok! 🙂

  3. LOL. I love the shirt. I’m thinking of one for the mean-time that says, “No, I’m not pregnant, but my sister is. And my sister-in-law is. And co-worker is. So is Jennifer Garner. For the 3rd time…And…”

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