Shit.

Collection day yesterday – and we were so happy! ELEVEN eggs and NO SCREAMING PAIN! Woo!

We had spag bog and watched Masterchef and I went to bed with a smile on my dial, thanking whoever there is to thank that the latest hurdle had been … hurdled.

And then.

Nurse Awesome called this morning and she had that gentle, sad tone in her voice that I know so well. This is the deal:

– 11 eggs, but only 5 mature (last time we had 8 eggs, all mature)

– 3 fertilised (last time 6 fertilised)

– we’re aiming for a transfer of one 3-day emby this Sat (last time, of the 6 fertilised, 3 made it to a 5-day blasto stage).

I’m gutted. I am so, so disappointed. Last time we started with 6 fertilised and got to 3 … with those odds we mightn’t get any to survive until Saturday? I was so fucking smug last night, picturing a freezer-ful of 5-day embies, for us to greedily dip into for the rest of the year, merrily watching the odds of a pregnancy increase.

But now I feel like I’m staring down the barrel of a possible cancelled cycle, or at best one with a much lower success rate with a 3-day emby. And, worst of all, the prospect of more and more stim cycles. I’ve taken TEN DAYS off work, and we’ve thrown some of the last of our savings at this. I guess (ridiculously) we just felt this was a last stim. Now it seems such a waste. I almost feel like I should go back to work and forget about it.

I also can’t help but wonder what I’ve done differently this time around to get fewer eggs at less quality. Last time Mr Bun and I were definitely more abstemious 3 months before egg collection. There was a month of sobriety, and herbs and supplements and potions. This time (or, three months ago) there was just normal living.

God – I know I sound like a melodramatic cow right now, and some women have to do a stim cycle every round. But – c’mon people. Give us a FUCKING BREAK.

(I am still in bed, in my pyjamas, btw).

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6 thoughts on “Shit.

  1. I am so sorry you didn’t get the results you were hoping for. I don’t know if it helps or not – but we only had 3 fertilized as well – and we had a successful cycle. Praying for you to get the same results!!!

  2. No TOTALLY not melodramatic I went through the same thing with our second IVF. First one 7 eggs, 5 mature 4 fert and 1 transfer and 2 frosties, second time 12 eggs, 7 mature, 5 fert and exactly the same number. It felt like such a waste. I would have been so smug as well like look at me I have the eggs of a 17 year old. Stay in your PJ’s and watch Ellen and Oprah. Thank goodness for no pain

  3. It’s disappointing when we build things up and they don’t quite go as we had hoped. My fingers are crossed that all three are still fighting fit and you manage to have a spare or two up your sleeve for later.

    Thanks for your comment on my blog too… looks like we both had a terrible June- i hope your July brings much better things.

  4. GD, what a let down. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you, but it sucks, sucks, sucks when shit like this happens. Often times I sit back (with a bowl of ice cream) and want to scream, ‘Haven’t I been through enough already?’ The answer is always no, apparently. Ugh, so sorry.

  5. You NEVER know. With my donor cycle we got 9 eggs, only 3 fertilised. We transferred 2 and froze one. I’m 35 weeks 2 days pregnant from that transfer. You NEVER know it’s over until it’s over. I have everything crossed for you!!

    (And I’m glad Billy’s back in MC – he seems a nice guy, but he’s really putting it out there and being SO funny since he came back. Great entertainment.)

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